We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as have the life that is waiting for us

There was a time when my entire life revolved around my son’s addiction.

It felt as though I was either trying to prevent the next crisis or cleaning up the damage from the last one. Even during the short periods when my son stayed sober for several months, I was never truly at peace. Instead of relaxing and enjoying life, I lived waiting for the next phone call, the next relapse, the next disaster.

I existed in a constant state of anxiety and depression.

Through my own recovery, I slowly came to understand that my son was grown now, and although he was living a dangerous and heartbreaking lifestyle, it was HIS life to live.

No matter how much I loved him or how terrified I was of losing him, I could not change the course of his life.

That was HIS job.

What I could change was the course of MY life.

Eventually I realized that my son’s addiction had taken me down a dark and bumpy road, but I did not have to stay there. I once heard the phrase, “Let go or be dragged,” and that was exactly what my life had become. I was being dragged by fear, worry, and the desperate need to save someone I could not save.

I knew that if I wanted a meaningful and purposeful life, I had to let go and begin following the path that brought joy, peace, and meaning back into my own life.

One of the hardest truths I had to face was that the path my son was on could lead to his death — and I had no control over that.

I had to learn how to live in a way that would allow me to survive even if the worst happened.

That realization shattered me.

I had a great deal of grieving to do. I had to grieve the dreams I once held for my son and accept that some of them might never come true. But slowly, I also began to understand that I could still dream new dreams for my own life.

I began to see my life as a gift I had been wasting.

For years I had lived consumed by fear and worry, blind to the blessings surrounding me. I started noticing the people who loved me and needed me present in their lives. I realized how many precious moments I had missed because emotionally I was somewhere else — trapped in the chaos of addiction.

Little by little, I began starting and ending each day by counting my blessings.

I know there were times my son felt abandoned by me, but deep in my heart I knew that if I was going to survive, I had to let go.

I came to understand that I was wasting the life God had given me by living in constant fear, and eventually I had to make the decision to do something different.

When I finally turned and walked toward a new path, my heart was heavy, but I knew it was the best thing for both my son and myself.

Today, I am profoundly grateful that I found the strength to let go — and even more grateful that my son eventually found his way home.

Life is good.

Be patient.
Keep believing.
Trust God.