We just returned from a visit with our son.
To be perfectly honest with you, I told my husband I just wanted to get away and it just so happens that our son lives near my favorite get-away spot.
So I have to admit I left with a bit of an expectation. I thought....... since we were so close ....... we might be able to slip in a dinner with him or a short visit in the 3 days we would be in town.
I knew he was working and that he would only have one day off while we were in town.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS....................
After our short visit with him before we headed home
I HAD MY FEELINGS HURT!
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
(EXPECTATIONS ARE RESENTMENTS IN WAITING)
We finished the lunch my husband and I brought to his apartment and then our son reminded us that he had a lot to do.
We were only there about 45 minutes when he let us know that we should get on our way.
His room-mate and his girlfriend were in the room at the time and I was really hurt and embarrassed. The whole 7 hour car ride home I reflected on my hurt feelings.
Was it WHAT he said?
Was it HOW he said it?
Was it WHO he said it in front of?
Was it honest?
Was it the truth?
I knew before I even left home that our son was REALLY BUSY.
I knew that his first day off was the day we would be leaving town.
We hadn't checked with him BEFORE making plans to see if he would have time to see us.
We just made the plans and THEN informed him we were coming! (rude)
ASSUMING he would fit us in.
(AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASSUME!)
it makes an ASS out of U and ME!
What I have decided is........
I OVERREACTED
my feelings were hurt, but he had a right to say what he said.
I JUST MISS MY BOY
It's been a LONG TIME OF MISSING THIS GUY
ADDICTION ROBBED US OF OUR SON FOR OVER 15 yrs
AND I FINALLY FEEL THAT A HAPPY HEALTHY PERSON IS BACK
AND I WANT HIM IN MY LIFE.
AND I WANT HIM IN MY LIFE.
HOWEVER, IT'S TIME FOR THIS MOMMA TO LET HIM LIVE HIS LIFE
AND WHEN AND IF HE HAS TIME FOR HIS MOM I'LL BE HERE WITH OPEN ARMS.
LETTING GO IS HARD
Today I will be reflecting on what my part was, expectations, assuming,and treating my son like an adult with courtesy and respect
Ohhhhh, I am sorry you got your feelings hurt. How wonderful that your son has a life though! lol Seriously... working, a schedule to keep, obligations, responsibilities....a real life that he feels responsible to. THAT encourages me. It can happen. :o) Thanks for your comment on my blog this morning.
ReplyDeleteAnnette,
ReplyDeletethank you so much for commenting sometimes I think no one is reading my blog or maybe there is something wrong with the comment section. Anyway, you are SO RIGHT. I am filled with gratitude when I see my son being a responsible adult. He has a job, gets there on time, doesn't call in sick, and shows up and suits up even when it is hard. Not only does he have a full-time job, he started a small business on the side. He is only coming up on 2 years of sobriety. I never could have imagined this change in him. Hang in there, you sound like a great mom, who is trying hard to work her program so that your family can heal from the affects of this disease. I have met you at a meeting before and will introduce myself again if we cross paths again. It's good to have support both at meetings and on-line. Thanks again,
Melinda